Sometimes birth and adoptive families have only agreed to annual updates via email or mail as part of their ” Open Adoption”…often myths and reoccurring fears prevent birth and adoptive families from  going beyond this to form safe and meaningful relationships that incorporate  both birth and adoptive family members..I had the opportunity about 17 years ago to meet a family who didn’t let fears or possible challenging situations interfere with establishing a relationship with their birth mother especially when everybody around them said they were wrong to do it…Rose their birth mother chose to live on the streets..She suffered a life of trauma and abuse and lived day to day by her “wits”…She bravely and lovingly made an adoption plan for her infant as she knew she could not provide a life for the child.. about twice a year the family would receive a phone call from Rose..they would go pick her up , spend time with her and then take her back to their home to play with her birth child and to have a meal.. they always stated safety came first and they had many discussions with Rose that if she was using drugs or appeared to not be in a “good place” they would cancel the visit with the child but they, the adults, would still visit with her to get updates and to show her love and support…One day I was able to ask the family why they chose to continue this relationship..they said it simply” She is our son’s birth mother… we need her in our lives”!!.By showing Rose that she “mattered” they were telling their son that he “mattered” and they unconditionally loved him and held his birth mother in a special place in their hearts…To read another inspiring story of a real open adoption relationship click on the link below to Pact  An Adoption Alliance:

http://www.pactadopt.org/press/articles/livingopen.html