Monthly Archive for July, 2011

Sara’s Big Day

Kinship Center Birth Mother April Flint (an adoptee herself) has lovingly written about her adoption journey and the special relationship that she is building with the adoptive family she chose to parent her infant daughter. We posted her story “Options for an Unplanned Pregnancy (The Book of Sara)” on March 7, 2011 describing the day she placed the baby for adoption. Today she wrote about the adoption finalization and the range of feelings she experienced when she attended the finalization. Many thanks April for sharing your story and for writing with such candor, love and humor. You are an inspiration!!!

“It is official. Sara is a Soto. Wow. I don’t feel any different. I will always be her birth mom, and I always will be her Aunty April. Let me tell you about that wonderful day.

July 13, 2011 was a foggy day. I had incidentally set my atomic clock to Colorado time the night before so I had showered, dried my hair and when I came back into the living room saw the kitchen clock. 5:52AM. I wanted to get up at 6:30 not 5:30. My good friend Jeannette and her husband drove down to be with me and I was trying not to wake them up.
She wanted up at 7AM.

Pulling into the court parking lot was surreal. We parked one spot away from the happy family. Mommy was painting just adopted on the back window of the car. Then I got out of the car. You would have thought I was a Parkinson’s patient I was shaking so much.

As usual the Soto’s just embraced me and then I got to see Miss Sara. Well first I met the Godfather and the Aunty. Then came Sara. Her mommy found 2 purple flowers so Sara and I could share. (I had asked that Sara wear a little purple to honor my adoption too. I wore a white dress with a purple sash so many years ago.) Sara tried eating her flower later in the day. She smiled up at me and her Mommy said she always looks to you until she hears my voice. Then Mommy gave me another hug and said this is how it is supposed to be. You are Aunty April but she will always remember you in a different way and I am so glad for that. Not hard to see why we bonded Mommy and I!!!!!

My other friend Robin came to support me too. She brought gifts for Sara’s backpack project. My friends are still collecting to give to the project. Talk about giving. My friends know how to do that. All in Sara’s name.

I thought I knew what love was. I learned it is compassion, respect, joy, gratefulness, and a group of people that love Miss Sara as much as I do. She is loved and respected. God help the person that decides to mess with Sara. I think she will be capable of taking them out but watchout for her family. I am included in that group!!!!

Whew it was déjà vu being in a courtroom for adoption. The bailiff gave Sara a pink bunny. Not a dry eye in the room over that move. She loves her pink bunny still! Well when the Judge came in and it was a woman I had to lean on my friend. The family was videotaping and I did not want them to hear me sobbing and snuffling.

Wow 5 minutes and that is it? Really? Wasn’t there supposed to be fireworks, confetti, a banner or maybe a loud proclamation? Don’t they ask if the birth mom is there? Don’t they ask that she is agreeing to love and support this child always?
I think we were all disappointed in the court part.

Until we got into the hallway and the family I had just met realized what I did. They all kept hugging me and crying. Most said they loved me. They all said “do you know how happy you have made Caitlin & David?”. My answer yes I do, but do you know how happy I am to be a part of this and how much all of your support means? More tears, hugs and that was in the courthouse. Then we got to the Brunch!

Brunch was yummy! I made bacon cheddar scones. I had to bring something. I always bring something. Well frittata, asparagus, fresh fruit salads, pastries, and more were on the table. It was all delicious! More so the company. We all sat around keeping Sara in her walker entertained. We talked and laughed.

Then it was time for me to record my message to Sara on video. I think I am the only one who got to hold her during the message. I told her face to face that I loved her with all my heart and that I would always love her. I said that it was an honor to have found her forever family and be a part of it. I told her I would always be here for her. ALWAYS!!! I gave her a couple kisses on the head (she was trying to eat my flower at that point). And that was that.

Cailtin and I had a few laughs over the fact that we don’t feel different. Sara has been a Soto since December 07, 2011 when she went home from the hospital. Well she became a Soto the night before when I called them and said be at the hospital at noon and bring a car seat because they won’t let you take Sara home without it.

I was the chosen vessel to bring that precious joy into the world. I miss her everyday but know I did the right thing! Not only did I do the right thing by choosing open adoption, I chose the best family for my little girl. This journey is not over. I am here for the long run!!! Blessings to Kinship Center for helping us all through Sara’s Big Day.”

Reaching out and finding support…

Each month Kinship Center hosts an adoption support group for birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees …finding support as you journey through the adoption process is a good thing..at our last months meeting we had three birth mothers who attended and shared their stories regarding their decision making as well as the joys and challenges associated with doing an open adoption..by sharing their personal stories they help to educate the prospective adoptive families who attend as well as adoptive families as to the life long impact of adoption planning…the group is a time for  sharing tears, laughter, sorrow and joy…. all of the intense emotions associated with adoption for all parties…sometimes birth parents or  pregnant woman exploring adoption can’t make it too a meeting..I found a wonderful alternative via the Internet…Birth Mom Buds

Support is now just a click away for pregnant woman  needing support to explore adoption as well as birth mothers who have placed and need a safe place to share their experience…This is a genuine and caring web site staffed by birthparents… I’m deeply impressed with their care and understanding of adoption and birth mother issues..check them out and also link below to a beautiful you tube video they made telling” real stories” of the joys and challenges of the adoption option…Hats off to Birth Mom Buds and if you are a birth mother , or a pregnant woman exploring adoption locally in Southern California  please come to our open adoption support group..the first Wednesday of every month at our Tustin Ca office located at  18302  Irvine Blvd.  suite 300 Tustin, Ca.92780    call for details 714  9792365.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQXHVKsJr2c&feature=related

“Real” relationships, a “real” story

Each time I work with a woman who has the courage to explore adoption I’m reminded of how important the matching process prior to the birth between birth and adoptive families is… and how sometimes this process can be painful when matches don’t work out… or leads to disappointment and a  prospective adoptive family and a birth mother must reexamine their choice and bravely and wisely admit the match may not be right..they must disengage emotionally and move on to find the right connection for themselves …adoption is a life long process…it holds the potential for building a powerful relationship and a foundation for the child to rest upon…it is perhaps the most powerful decision a pregnant woman and a couple hoping to adopt will mutually make..who will be chosen to raise the child?…and what kind of relationship will they develop and nurture over time?… the pieces must fit… and communication between birth and adoptive families must be honest and based on trust and mutual respect… there must be a mutual connection and a “real” bond between the birth parents and the adoptive parents…link below to hear a birth mother’s real story of how she found the right connection and  chose the adoptive family she placed her baby with…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ptL3r7bZSw