I recently ran a workshop for prospective adoptive families…I asked a birth mother I’ve known  for years to speak at the workshop and share her very personal open adoption story…she requested that the adoptive family and the son she placed 6 years ago come to the workshop to present with her, they lovingly accepted the invitation …At one point during the presentation the 6 year old popped up from his seat and said ”I have something to say about adoption”..the room went quiet and he very proudly said “adoption is good, its better”!  A  few minutes later he announced he was tired, the workshop was held in the evening….He ran to his Dad’s lap …he stretched out placing his head in his Birth Mother’s lap, his mid section on his Dad and his feet rested comfortably on his Mother’s lap…At one point during the presentation I looked up at this incredible visual …His Birth Mother was rubbing his head, his Dad was rubbing his shoulder, and his Mom was rubbing his feet… All the adults who made this decision to move forward with the adoption 6 years ago were there to love him so openly without shame or fear…. Shame , guilt and fear are strong emotions that often follow birth parents who have made the choice to place a child for adoption…Birth Parents have shared with me how difficult it  is to tell people outside the adoption “community” why they chose to place and how much they love and care for their child and the adoptive family, especially if they are involved in an open adoption… Birth parents in the past had to suffer silently in pain and had very little choice but to wait until a child reached adulthood and then hope for a reunion…Today’s adoptions are still difficult…openness in an adoption does not mean there will not be challenges or difficult feelings like shame and guilt to contend with but, at least today birth and adoptive families including the children can speak out… Today there are a  variety of  forums available for birth and adoptive families to speak at in order to educate others …. Kinship Center offers workshops and support groups for this purpose…Also with the advent of social networking sites such as Facebook and You Tube, birth parents have another powerful vehicle to tell the world their story… They can educate the world that if an adoption must take place it can be done with dignity, respect and a great bond of love between the birth and adoptive family… The child will be the beneficiary of this incredible kind of love in a child centered adoption… a good friend at work forwarded me this YouTube video site dealing with adoption, I was amazed at the number of  birth parents sharing their stories…. I chose this video as it chronicles an open adoption over a 15 year period…I’m still drying my tears..take a look at these powerful images of an open adoption relationship being formed and growing through the years …. the love  between the birth and adoptive family is evident ….Look at the smile on the face of the adopted child at the end of the video it says it all… Click the link below then click onto … MY Open Adoption Experience…

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=passionjenn&aq=f

Healthy adoptions are about making connections not disconnecting a child from his roots in order for him to join his new family…a child needs that  entire “village” of both birth and adoptive family members to help him to grow and cope with the world.. that “village” needs to include the roots and foundation that only a birth family can bring to a child …I believe that anytime we are able to create a ceremony to mark meaningful moments in the adoption process we are strengthening that loving “village” that surrounds the child..I have had the opportunity of sitting in on many ceremonies that have been held between birth and adoptive families at the time of relinquishment…most birth parents will wait several days or sometime several weeks to actually sign formal relinquishment papers.. Most relinquishment’s are done in conjunction with a ceremony at Kinship Center to celebrate the transfer of the child from one family to another and to celebrate and acknowledge  the sadness also associated with the decision as well as the joyous fact that the family or” village” surrounding the child just got bigger not smaller and  all the hope this” new family” offers the child for the future…Birth families and their friends will be invited as well as the adoptive family and their extended family members… heartfelt toast’s of sparking cider are made..music is often played…loving and tender thoughts or  poetry as well as gifts are exchanged between birth and adoptive families..also the baby’s foot print is inked onto a canvas with the  name written below  and hung on the wall of the agency….I’ve often officiated at these ceremonies and I have often read the following words  .. the article I quote from is “ Our understanding of Open Adoption”

click below  to link to these powerful words and consider using them at your next adoption ceremony…
http://www.openadoptioninsight.org/html/understanding_adoption.html

Kinship Center is now offering women considering adoption for their baby the option of choosing a family from our on- line adoptive parent profiles…Families approved through the Kinship Center believe in open adoption and want to build a lasting relationship with their child’s birth family…Women considering adoption for their baby might find it helpful to make a list of those things that they believe are important to have in potential parents for their child…Should it be a two parent traditional family? What about a single parent?….Would you prefer a stay at home mom, or a dad who might stay at home or work flexibly from their home?..What about siblings for your child.?… Or a childless couple?… Does religion & ethnicity of the parents matter to you?….What about their views on parenting and discipline?..Hobbies, leisure activities..Educational background?..Family traditions and celebrations?..  Do you have compatible ideas on open adoption and contact through the years?.. The choices can seem overwhelming….I remember one set of birth parents I worked with who developed a check list of things that were important to them. They referred to this list in the first meeting with the prospective adoptive parents that they met and interviewed… in the end they told me the list helped them immensely but when they found the right couple for their baby they just somehow knew that they would be the right parents for their baby!  Other women I have worked with have preferred to be more informal in their choosing of a family and have told me they have just gone on a” gut” level feeling and developed a relationship with the prospective adoptive family and eventually through further discussions and joint meetings between the birth parents and the adoptive family their questions were answered… There is no right or wrong way to choose a family…What ever way feels best to you…But, most woman have told me it was important to consider these things prior to choosing a family…In addition working with an established  adoption agency to help guide you through a discussion of these issues can be a good thing to do, as well as making sure that prospective adoptive parents have gone through an extensive screening process and have had some training and education on adoption issues… All of these things combined can save heartache and hopefully any regret…Adoption is a huge  life changing decision  that  requires a great deal of thought and planning whenever possible…click below to read two articles containing ideas for choosing adoptive parents for your child…and click on to Kinship Center’s parent profile section at www.birthparents.kinshipcenter.org  and see our selection of  well prepared, loving , couples and families hoping to adopt…

http://www.suite101.com/content/what-birthmothers-look-for-in-adoptive-parents-a93539

http://www.nurtureadopt.org/bp/epeduc/choosepar.htm

Often rebuilding your life after placing a child voluntarily for adoption can be difficult..Woman I have worked with through the years state the grief and loss issues as well as trying to define yourself as a birth mother can be difficult… sorting out new roles, navigating an open adoption as well as trying to attain education or career goals that might have been part of the reason for the adoption plan in the first place can all seem like overwhelming tasks……I came across this new resource for birth mothers trying to get on their feet.. it is a non profit foundation that offers vocational training and mentoring; connections for birth mothers to network and support each other as well as financial grants for educational purposes…click below to link to this great site and if you are an adoptive parent with an open relationship with your child’s birth mother refer her to this valuable web site;

www.onyourfeetca.org