Monthly Archive for September, 2010

Dear Birthmother:A great read for birth and adoptive families…

Last night at our Kinship Center Adoptive Parent Preparation Workshop  I was reminded of what a tender and insightful book “Dear Birthmother:Thank You for Our Baby”,written by Kathleen Silber/Phylis Speedlin is… A prospective adoptive parent commented on how she was profoundly moved by this book and it showed her the perspective of adoption through the eyes and heart of a birthmother ….She reminded the group that they would definitely need a box of Kleenex handy in order to get through a reading of this book… but that it held valuable insight into open adoption …click below to link to tapestry books.com a great source of adoption books for your library… consider ordering this book and sharing it with your birth or adoptive family..

http://www.tapestrybooks.com/product.asp?pID=78

Positive outcomes for birth and adoptive families…

Kinship Center has been in the forefront for the last 25 years promoting open adoptions and helping birth and adoptive families to develop lasting meaningful relationships that benefit the children involved.. it’s encouraging to receive validation from research findings that support positive outcomes for birth and adoptive families involved in maintaining “relationship” built adoptions….. Open adoption is changing the definition of “family” for adopted children and their loved ones..click the link below to hear a  birth and adoptive family’s adoption story as reported by NPR radio…open adoption does not solve all the challenges inherent in adoption but it is a starting point for healing the loss that occurs whenever an adoption takes place…I love the laughter of the children in the background of this interview!!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93697457
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A closed adoption finally opens after 39 years..

Whenever I hear or read about a search and reunion story I’m often struck by how many changes have occurred in adoption practice over the last 25 years and how many more choices birth and adoptive families have now to form real relationships through Open Adoption…Open Adoption should not be “dangled” in front of a birth parent as a way to entice an adoption or as a way to negate the pain and loss of an adoption…Open Adoption is hard work and requires commitment and honesty…it does not mean that the grief and pain of placing a child will ever go away for a birth parent but at least all parties involved in today’s Open Adoptions have a way to openly grieve and share both the loss and pain that comes with adoption as well as share the joys of adoption…my heart aches for all the birth parents, adopted children and adoptive families who endured the pain that closed adoptions might have caused…openness does not solve all the challenges inherent in adoption but at least it is a start for all parties to acknowledge the depth of feelings and the life long implications of choosing adoption…click below to read this touching story of a birth mother and her daughter who reunited after 39 years of enduring a closed adoption…

http://toledoblade.com/article/20100916/NEWS16/100919702/-1/NEWS

Open Adoption; beyond just a letter and pictures…

Sometimes birth and adoptive families have only agreed to annual updates via email or mail as part of their ” Open Adoption”…often myths and reoccurring fears prevent birth and adoptive families from  going beyond this to form safe and meaningful relationships that incorporate  both birth and adoptive family members..I had the opportunity about 17 years ago to meet a family who didn’t let fears or possible challenging situations interfere with establishing a relationship with their birth mother especially when everybody around them said they were wrong to do it…Rose their birth mother chose to live on the streets..She suffered a life of trauma and abuse and lived day to day by her “wits”…She bravely and lovingly made an adoption plan for her infant as she knew she could not provide a life for the child.. about twice a year the family would receive a phone call from Rose..they would go pick her up , spend time with her and then take her back to their home to play with her birth child and to have a meal.. they always stated safety came first and they had many discussions with Rose that if she was using drugs or appeared to not be in a “good place” they would cancel the visit with the child but they, the adults, would still visit with her to get updates and to show her love and support…One day I was able to ask the family why they chose to continue this relationship..they said it simply” She is our son’s birth mother… we need her in our lives”!!.By showing Rose that she “mattered” they were telling their son that he “mattered” and they unconditionally loved him and held his birth mother in a special place in their hearts…To read another inspiring story of a real open adoption relationship click on the link below to Pact  An Adoption Alliance:

http://www.pactadopt.org/press/articles/livingopen.html

Open adoption for two sisters..possibly a life saved..

I came upon this amazing news clip that highlights the power of what can happen when an adoption is left open..I’ve had a similar experience where an adoptive family needed help in saving their adopted child’s life and the only hope was through a biological relative which happened to be a full sibling,  and because of an open adoption the child’s life was saved…..click on to this compelling and heartfelt news clip that shows what can happen when birth and adoptive families come together for the love of a child…

http://www.wwltv.com/news/health/Girl-trying-to-save-her-sister-with-procedure-never-tried-before-99994699.html